Fear and Anxiety 101: the phone

Okay so the thing is that I've got horrible anxiety when it comes to talking on the phone. I've kind of always had it but I've never understood why. I mean, it was just calling and talking to people, right? So what if normally it was completely random strangers who are silently judging you based on how you sound.

Well, there was/is my issue right there. My voice sounds incredibly feminine, at least to me. My girl says that it's mostly in my head and I sound much more androgynous than I seem to think, but in my head I sound like a chipmunk, that's how girly I sound. I might do a video at some point, just as reference for whenever I get onto T. I was hesitant the first time she wanted to call me because I'd just told her that I was trans, but she made me feel so comfortable that after a few moment into the conversation, I completely forgot about it and talked naturally. With other people, it's not so easy.

I find it so hard to call doctor's offices, and especially calling in for pizza. With pizza, it's because there are so many different things to remember, in order, and I have this tendency to fumble my words and stumble over them. I don't like being perceived as stupid or as an idiot or anything even remotely like that, an when I talk on the phone, I feel like one.

I've been getting better at it, like calling my boss is pretty easy now, and I can pick up the phone without such a huge spike of anxiety. I used to do anything I possibly could to avoid talking to people on the phone, even if that meant ignoring that the call was being placed in the first place. I've gotten better at that, and at calling people I know, but when it comes to talking and initiating phone calls with doctors and such, it's still terrifying. I'm working through it slowly, trying not to think so much about everything and just go for it.

Now, I'm gonna go try and call an endocrinologist about informed consent. I'll let you know how it goes.

EDIT: So I called the doctor's office successfully (cue the ooh's and aah's and yay's) but the doctor is on vacation and the receptionist didn't know anything, so I left him my name and number for when he asks the doctor about it on Monday. Hoping for good news!