My biggest supporter over the past year or so has been my partner, but she's not only that, she's my girlfriend and most importantly, she's my best friend in the entire world. If it wasn't for her, you wouldn't be reading this right now. So a big thank-you to her for that. Baby, you're a lifesaver in so many ways. She's my conscience, my inspiration, and most of all, my motivator. She pushes me to be better, for myself and for her because she deserves the best. She's the one that made me realize that I've been settling for mediocre most of my life, and I've decided that no more. I'm going to go after what I want.
Going back in time, in every single relationship I've been in except my current one, I've been treated like a girl. Maybe that contributed to the downfall of every single relationship, maybe it didn't. That's something I'll probably never know for sure.
My first real relationship was also my first foray into the LGBT world. My first partner was a girl - I used to think that was the confusing time in my life, trying to get my head around the fact that my first relationship was a girl. Not so. Looking back, it was the most natural thing in the world for me.
After dating girls for a while - the above mentioned one didn't work for a lot of reasons - I tried dating guys. The first was a dismal failure and it turned me into an angsty mess of teenage emotion. Six months after that, I tried dating girls gain - my first girlfriend's sister, oops - but I don't like having to hide my relationship and she wouldn't tell her mother about us because 'other than me' she was completely straight, so that one failed too. Then, I made the single biggest mistake of my life: I got married.
I know why I did it - so my parents would accept me - but in the end, all it did was make me miserable and honestly, it still is making me miserable because I haven't been able to afford a divorce and he left with a ton of debt on my hands. He was violent, belligerent, ignorant and I hate him. I dated another girl but she was almost as bad, if not worse.
The last girl I mentioned was the first girl I came out to, but I always kind of felt like she never saw me as a guy. Even after I told her and started switching pronouns at work, she kept treating me like some submissive little girl who in the end would do whatever she wanted me to. That's never been my personality but she is very manipulative and that's what she had me as for a while.
I met my current girlfriend a year ago and everything changed. I think she's the only one who really sees me for who I am, who I want to be. She and my two best friends are my biggest supporters, but mainly her.
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