Out 101

Here's the thing that I think is holding me back the most and doing the worst damage on my mental health: I'm not out as trans at work so people call me a she all the time, use her to refer to me, and I'm too nervous to just bite the bullet and just tell them who I am and why they're saying it wrong.

This is a problem I've had since the beginning: I don't know, rather I'm not comfortable with correcting people, especially about something as controversial as this. How do you tell someone 'hey I look like a girl and my gender marker on everything is female but yknow I'm really a guy so could you not call me a lady? Thanks.' I'm not quite ballsy enough to do that!

Also, most of the people I work with are Spanish, Mexican, Indian or some other foreign nationality. It is so hard to explain this, my situation, to someone whose native tongue is not English. It's an abstract concept, unfortunately. Hell, I work with a guy who doesn't speak English at all! He's difficult for me to work with because I don't know his language and he doesn't know mine.

As scared as I am to come out at work, I'm even more scared to come out at home, my parents' home that is. I'm out at my own home, the apartment I share with my partner, since she is my biggest motivator. At home is a different story. I'm my mother's "little girl" and she never fails to let me know it. I think she knows about my gender issues and is in such deep denial that she tries to convince not only herself, but me as well that I am indeed that little girl still. I understand where she's coming from, but that doesn't mean it doesn't sting when she says it or does things to drive the nail in, so to speak. I wish she'd accept it, and maybe she will once I actually talk to her about it and explain it.

My best friends and 90% of my exes know about my gender identity and most of them know I'm in transition right now, but other than that it's kind of something I've kept to myself and a few close friends. I'm scared of coming out but I think I'm finally ready to.

Soon.