So I had my first session with Dr. Graham Peveller today. It was... interesting. He called me at seven (I'd scheduled it at 10) and asked if I was online, and I explained to him that it was 7 my time and he'd assumed I was on the east coast. So that was a strange start, and we rescheduled it to 9pm my time. He admitted that it was strange to talk on the phone and that he had been apprehensive to call me, but he was glad he did, which was a good sign, I suppose. It was very odd talking to him, mostly because he was very hard to understand.
It started out a bit strange, talking about him traveling to England and rescheduling next week's to Tuesday night, which was fine aside from the fact that I don't know my work schedule. They always wait until literally the last minute - like seven in the morning the day of working - to tell me, so hopefully I'm not closing on August 2nd. I just want to do all eight sessions in two weeks so I can just get this letter and kickstart this.
Anyway, after some miscommunication and a ton of typos, we finally started talking about gender-related stuff. It seemed like he was trying to figure out if I'd known from childhood whether or not I was transgendered or not. For a while there it almost sounded offensive the way he was talking, but that was mostly because he kept using the term transsexual, which these days is borderline offensive.
He asked about my dysphoria in a roundabout way, I guess. He was trying to figure out if I was uncomfortable with not only my sexual orientation, but my body, which of course is my biggest problem. I feel completely trapped in my own body and it's driving me crazy. I tried to convey that to him, and I think I got it across to him because he agreed that it was indeed a marker of transgenderism, or in his words, transsexuality.
He was asking if as a child I gravitated more toward male things than female, which is the case. I mean, yes, I wore dresses and did ballet - mostly because my brother was in it with me - but I also loved getting said dresses dirty and I loved baseball and playing outside. I was on a boys team for baseball for about four years and once I had to switch to softball, I quit after one season because I hated it, and never went back. I think once I started genderizing myself as female, I lost a lot of passion for sports and outdoor activities. I kind of want to start getting back into it.
I'm kind of hoping maybe he can help me through some of my other mental issues aside from dysphoria and gender issues, because God knows I've got enough crazy issues that I need to talk to someone professional about. I almost feel like I should find a different therapist tailored more for anxiety and distorted thought processes, but that's a different story for a completely different time.
I found it a little bit hard to understand what he was saying sometimes and a joke went right over my head, but overall it was fine. I don't feel completely comfortable with him yet, but it's a first session, and he suggested that I check out a book called The Gendered Self. I plan on buying it as soon as possible and writing my own response to it at some point, like a book review or something.
I'm feeling confident, because he said that I could get my letter in eight weeks, starting the process in the sixth week, which is better than his original response of twelve weeks and even longer for the surgery letter. I'm also going to check out Dr. Gary Alter for top surgery - he's in Los Angeles and as far as I can tell, he's gotten some great feedback. I just need to find an endocrinologist who will fill my T prescription when I get my letter.
I think this is a good start.
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